Allowance: When Just Fine Will Do

On Perfectionism….

"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.."

- Brené Brown

Let's get right to it and talk about something I think we all struggle with from time to time—the pressure to be perfect.

There's a common misconception out there that we should always aim for perfection, to be A+, top-notch in everything we do, insisting that our efforts must be the absolute best and nothing less. But here's a little secret, it doesn't. Sometimes, it's perfectly okay to aim for “just fine”. We are humans, not machines. And humans? Well, we have limits. And this isn't about settling for less, it's about being realistic and kind to ourselves in the process. In full transparency, it has taken most of my adult life to realize that it's perfectly okay to not always hit the mark. When I began to embrace this idea of allowance, giving myself the space to breathe and accept that sometimes, “good enough” is just fine, I felt a tremendous sense of relief.

The "Just Fine Philosophy" is a mindset that challenges the conventional pursuit of excellence in every aspect of life, advocating instead for a more balanced and realistic approach. This philosophy isn't about settling for mediocrity, but rather about redefining our understanding of success and recognizing the value in good, solid efforts that are sufficient for the purpose that they serve. While striving for perfection can be commendable, it's often an unrealistic target that can lead to unnecessary stress and disappointment. This philosophy encourages us to accept that sometimes, doing a descent job is more than enough. It's about finding contentment in our efforts, even when they may be flawed. Adopting this mindset can lead to improved mental health, greater life satisfaction, and a more balanced approach to work and life. All fundamental principles that I reinforce in my coaching practice.

For women the pressure can be even more intense. We juggle so many roles—spouses, partners, mothers, professionals, friends, etc.—and often, we are our own toughest critics. In fact, I came across a statistic that really hit home. According to a study by Psychology Today, women are more likely than men to ruminate over their flaws and mistakes and use negative emotion-related coping strategies. This way of thinking is harmful, leading to significant stress and anxiety. It's particularly concerning as women tend to endure these challenges quietly, suffering in silence, without expressing their struggles.

So, what if we not only shifted, but also challenged this mindset? What if we began celebrating being “good enough”? I'm talking about the “B- work” that gets the job done, the meals that may not be the most elaborate, but fill us up, or the days when we do just enough to get by, while keeping some forward momentum. Imagine the ripple effect this can have. Less stress, more time for what truly matters, and a whole lot of self-compassion. There is beauty in that. It's real and it's human.

We have an opportunity to set new standards for ourselves, both personally and professionally, and this applies to all areas of our lives. Instead of spending hours perfecting a work-related task to the point of diminishing returns, we can strive to complete it to a high standard that meets the necessary requirements…nothing more, nothing less. In our personal lives, this can mean letting go of the desire to have the perfect home, perfect relationship, or perfect lifestyle. It can be as simple as letting the laundry sit for just one more day if that will provide a sense of relief. For parents, this might involve releasing the pressure to be the “perfect parent”, instead focusing on being present and supportive, understanding that this is often more than enough. By setting new standards, we prioritize our well-being over an any unattainable ideal.

So, here is my call to action not only you, but also a gentle reminder for myself. The next time you find yourself striving to reach an elusive sense of perfection, take a pause. Ask yourself, "is this good enough as is?" And if it is, let it be. Give yourself the allowance and grace, because “just fine” doesn't mean that you are not doing your best, it means that you are doing what's best for you.

Last week, I made a conscious choice to embrace the "just fine" philosophy. This decision came into play when I chose not to publish my newsletter on its regular Monday schedule, a pattern I had proudly maintained for the last 10 consecutive weeks while navigating different time zones, the stress of the holidays, launching a new business and just life. Admittedly, it was a tough call. It felt like I was losing a race against myself, and even Substack nudged me with a reminder, essentially saying, "Hey, where's your newsletter? Don't break your winning writing streak." Despite this external prompt and my own internal pressure, I stood firm in my decision.

Here we are now, almost a week later, but I allowed myself this flexibility. I told myself that it's okay and as we step into a new week, I hope you too can find the wisdom to know when to push through and when to accept that “just fine” is indeed enough.